I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
