if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
