I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
