apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
