Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
