just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
