the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
