Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
