just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
