Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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