im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
