I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
