She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
