so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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