so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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