It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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