she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
