Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
