if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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