Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
