I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
