i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
