He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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