watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
