Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize