he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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