I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
babies were throwing up all over the place
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
