Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
