Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
