Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
