youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
