So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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