are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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