you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize