and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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