Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will be naked everywhere
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
