ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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