I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
