Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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