please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
