I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
