I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
