Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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