I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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