I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
