I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
