at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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