There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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