So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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