Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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