You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
