It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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