so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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