I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
