I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
