hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
