remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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