he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize