Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
