My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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