We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
