You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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