FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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