Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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