The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
