...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
