I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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