make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
