i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
