last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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