i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
