The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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