what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
