david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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