I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
