You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
not ubering you a puppy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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