some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
